Saturday, April 24, 2010

U is for Unspoken...The Body Language Blogfest

Harley D. Palmer over at The Labotomy of a Writer issued a challenge called the Body Language Blogfest today and I had to throw my hat in the ring.  There can be no dialogue whatsoever, but there must be some sort of conversation going on...and no sign language or telepathy allowed. The mood, conflict, and resolution all achieved with "U" is for Unspoken words.

 Wow. I love writing characters are snarky, sarcastic, and often very funny...My first thought was that there was no way I could do that. My second thought -- Now you're definitely going to try it with that attitude, Missy!

The Killers:

They giggled in tandem, the killers did. Holding the weapon together, they fought for control. The one with blue eyes, the bigger one, yanked it away. Wanting the fun for himself, he elbowed the gut of the younger one. Eyes clenched, the Younger tossed his head back; frustration wrinkling his forehead. He hit Blue Eyes, smacked him across the face, and flailed for the handle of the weapon.

Spittle flying, Blue Eyes held it aloft, his other hand closing around the hair of the Younger, pulling. They wrestled, their victim forgotten in the dirt next to them. Twisting together in an angry knot, the killers screamed and bit each other until finally, panting, the Younger released his grip. Blue Eyes sat straddling the Younger and gave a final yank, his eyes flashing as he stared down his nose at the upstart. Holding the weapon in his hand, Blue Eyes shook it and smacked Younger on the top of the head for good measure.

Out of fight, Younger whimpered, his eyes going wet.  He turned his head abruptly, refusing to look at Blue Eyes. Satisfied, Blue Eyes climbed off of Younger and sat next to the charred body twitching in the afternoon sun. Younger crawled over, once again sitting next to Blue Eyes, his face rapt as his attention focused once again on their victim. Blue Eyes held the weapon, then looking at Younger, offered room on the handle. A sweet smile pulled across Younger’s face and he lifted his pudgy hand.

Two yards away, a man sat watching guard over the killers; his attention wandering from their carnage to the magazine in his hand. A woman walked up behind the man, handed him a drink, and nodded to the killers.

“What are the boys doing?” She asked.

The man looked over at his toddler sons playing with the magnifying glass and shrugged. “Burning ants.”

That concludes my attempt at a no dialogue scene.  Please take a moment to peruse the other entries at Labotomy of a Writer.  Until next time, people...Go Write!

Photograph by FranUlloa, Uploaded on December 22, 2006.


Roland D. Yeomans said...

When we're that age we imagine we are giants walking the earth ... or astronaunts ... or Jedi.

Love the scene dynamics and the body language. You even sneaked in some dialogue. Clever you.

Come check out my entry, why don't ya? Roland

Unknown said...

I think I saw some dialog in there...that's okay, some fell into mine too.
Definitely got me with the ants thing. Good job!
Or should I say, how horrible!

Carolina M. Valdez Schneider said...

Hahaha! I see that attempt at dialogue worked, uh, well for you. hahaha!! So like me. Well, the body language was great. Nice bit of humor in there, even though they're killers. Ha. Love how you come right out and say it. What a nice mixture of some comedy and well, charred bodies. Well done.

Jessica Bell said...

Very cool! It's ok about the two bits of dialogue - because it wasn't between the 'killers', right? ;)

Amalia Dillin said...

Wow! I wasn't expecting that ending at all! Great take on this! As I was reading, I was thinking about how the guys fighting was really reminiscent of a wolf-pack, the alpha reinforcing his dominance. I think you did a great job illustrating the wrestling that went on!

Dawn Embers said...

Well done. The fighting part is interesting and doesn't give away the end that is for sure. The character descriptions instead of names works for this. Though, I wouldn't have known what was truly going on without the dialogue at the end. It would have missed it's fun punch without the other characters, watchers, speaking.

Katie said...

I like how you named them based on traits. Cool that. I was also surprised by the ending. Good stuff!

Anonymous said...

That was awesome! So clever! I'm going to refer to them as 'The Killers' from now on.

Amy Jo said...

Very clever! I agree that the dialogue needed to be included at the end. Great descriptions of the fight scene!

F said...

Hahaha... I see you slipped some dialogue in at the end... It was necessary, though... Rounded the story off really well. The story was really nicely written- showing things from the kids point of view... This portrayed the kids' perspective very well... Our delusions of grandeur at that age- LOL! We all thought we were warriors, didn't we?

P.S. The witch thing in my story is a reference to superstition in some cultural factors where a woman is blamed for repeated miscarriages... So the mother-in-law is angry with Ada cos she thinks it is her fault.

Ella said...

Wow, you really threw me; Amazing use of description, to see the action, really jumps off the page, for me! I loved it!~

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Good job! Damn, that has to be tough.

Melanie Sherman said...

Great job (even with the sneaky dialog at the end). I really thought it would be puppies, except for the blue eyes. It wasn't until the very end we learn the truth about killers. Hahaha. Loved it.

Charity Bradford said...

Lol, I loved this. Great job and nice twist.

Unknown said...

You really had me going. LOL.

Cute scene. Good body language. This makes me remember when my oldest poured boiling water on a red ant bed.

Like you, I love scintillating, snarky dialogue. But this was good practice.

Grammy said...

Wow! That was clever! I had to read it a second time to get the true gist of it. I must try that some time. Maybe in a couple of weeks when I get back from a wedding.

dolorah said...

What a great twist. I had no clue they were toddlers. I wondered why they were fighting over the gun if the the "victim" was already charred.

Nicely done.


Arlee Bird said...

That was pretty good-- killing two blog challenges with one post.

May 3rd A to Z Challenge Reflections Mega Post

Eric W. Trant said...

I underestimated you, Raquel. That won't happen again.

You started off so clownish, so silly, so brow-wrinkling... and methinks, She's not doing a good job of portraying killers. I mean, this is a western, right, a dude burned in the sand, and two clown guys fighting over a pistol. Come on, girl, what the heck are you--

Nope. That's exactly what you intended, right up to that little b-slap at the end that smacked the smug out of my smile and left me, ironically, speechless, holding tepid coffee in one hand and a mouse in the other, my eyes circling the final words in your post, vultures on the kill, baby, vultures on the kill.

I won't underestimate you again, Raquel. You are now, officially, my nemesis.


- Eric

Just Another Sarah said...

This was adorable! I loved how you referred to them, how you described them and their actions. Great entry! Thanks for sharing!

Anastasia V. Pergakis said...

This was adorable! Granted I didn't think "adorable" until the end but you did great - even if you snuck in some dialogue!

Raquel Byrnes said...

That was the funniest comment I've ever received. I loved it. Official nemesis it out!

Kierah Jane Reilly said...

I loved this! Started out so grim and ended on a completely different note. I had to go back and read it again after I knew the real scenario. It was executed perfectly!