Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Let's Talk Blogfest...Limits

Ronni Griffin blogger at Fiction Groupie came up with a great idea called, 'Let's Talk Blogfest'. The rules are to post a dialogue scene from something you wrote.

My excerpt is from a novel called, The Daedelus Key, from my Intelli-Trace Series in the action/thriller genre. Intelli-Trace employees act as bounty hunters for stolen technology. They hunt down research and development projects stolen from Fortune 500 companies. From prototypes to schematics, biological samples, to computer code...if its stolen, they'll track it, steal it back, and destroy the competition's gains in the process.

Kressa is an intelligence broker bent on stealing the Deadelus Key, an algorithm rumored to be able to break military codes.  The poor guy on the chair is one of the designers.

Chapter One
The Den

The man struggled against the restraints tying him to the chair. Afraid, he glanced around the dimly lit basement, jumping at sounds made by the water pipes and old doors.

Kressa sat in a corner of the room shrouded in shadows, observing.

“Hey,” the man called out. “Somebody better tell me what is going on.”

Kressa smiled slightly, the bravado always came first. They inevitably all yelled protests, warnings, and threats but this never lasted. Not in his experience, and he had years of interrogation experience. No, they eventually all broke. They all told him what he wanted to know. This one was no different.

Kressa’s eyes went to the light bulb hanging exposed over the captive’s chair. It flickered and went out dousing the man in momentary darkness before brightening once more. Kressa heard him gasp. Although unplanned, the effect was desirable. Kressa gathered his tools making sure to let them clink against one another.

“Who’s there?” the man asked, realizing he’d not been alone.

“My name is not important,” Kressa intoned as he walked out of the darkness. The room reeked of the man’s fear. “What is important is whether or not I believe what you say to me is the truth.”

“The truth?” The man repeated. “The truth about what?”

“The truth about the Daedelus Key,” Kressa breathed. “And to make sure we start off on the right foot. I’m going to have to understand a little about you and your limits.”

The man’s eyes widened when Kressa opened his bag and began to lay a series of pliers, picks, and bottles on the table beside the captive’s chair.

“Limits?” the man gasped.

Kressa nodded absently already lost in the smell of the lemon juice and greased tools.

“Yes, for instance,” Kressa said and showed the man a screwdriver sharpened to a razor’s edge. He positioned it just to the right of the man’s kneecap and rested a malet against the handle.  He looked at him with a questioning raise of his eyebrows. “How long do you think before this makes you scream?”



That was my entry for Let's Talk Blogfest. I hope you take a look at the other great pieces over at Fiction Groupie. 
 Photograph by Monica Arellano-Ongpin, Uploaded on March 14, 2009.

22 comments:

Tessa Conte said...

ooh creepy *shivers*

Very good dialogue, with just the right comments in between to highten the tension!

(ps. you have 'experience' twice in one sentence at the beginning)

Courtney Barr - The Southern Princess said...

Definitely creepy! Great dialogue! Love to read more.


Visit My Kingdom Anytime

Genie of the Shell said...

Whoa, torture! What a way to open a novel. The smell of the tools is a nice touch.

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

The premise behind your novel is fascinating. The tension was high in this opening scene, and I cringe to imagine what comes next!

One observation I wanted to share -- and this could just be me! -- but when I read "Kressa" the first several times, I automatically pictured a woman. Not until this line in the fourth paragraph: Not in his experience, and he had years of interrogation experience. -- did I realize he was a man.

Best of luck with this project!

M. Bail said...

Loved the last line...nicely creepy. And I agreed with Nicole that Kressa sounds like a woman's name. It confused me when I realized it was a guy.

Good scene!

Abby Annis said...

This was awesome! Very creepy. Good job! :)

Eric W. Trant said...

Double ditto on the Kressa name sounding feminine. But, it didn't distract me at all after you explained this was a dude. If it's an authentic name, stick with it.

Heck, I know a guy named Fukui.

Great dialogue. Sick and twisted and gut-wrenching, as I would expect from you.

How many novels have you written?

- Eric

Iapetus999 said...

Aww, I was hoping for another Bad Girl. :(
Great stuff, gripping, but heavy on the dialog tags. Stick with said or remove 'em.
BTW I have a couple things around the house need fixin', so if Kressa isn't too busy could you send him over?
;)

Eric W. Trant said...

RB: No books published, but I have three in for consideration with a publisher who's already published two of my short stories and asked me to be a lead writer on a third anthology collection in 2011.

So, hopefully I'll have some finished books soon!

My writing is too unfocused. I need to pick a genre and stick to it. I think realistic fiction with light fantasy is my best gig.

That, or horror. I can do a pretty good horror book, though I feel like I'm writing meaningless fluff all the while...

- Eric

VR Barkowski said...

Yikes! I'm screaming and I'm only reading about it. Great dialogue, Raquel. Tension? Oh yeah.

stu said...

Nicely suspenseful, though I found myself thinking that it sort of split between the two main models of the interrogator/torturer archetype in fiction: the one who clearly enjoys it and the very matter of fact one.

Oh, and do people intone?

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

You got my pulse racing. Yikes. The tension builds to a stomach-churning point. Damn good dialogue, too.

Shelley Sly said...

Creepy! But well-written. Great dialogue. :)

Susan Fields said...

Oh wow...that was intense! This was a great scene, I'd love to read more.

Dawn Embers said...

ooo

Intense and some suspense. Well done with this type of scene and the dialogue.

Amalia T. said...

Man, that is creepy. Very intense opening! One small thing-- I'd cut the "Afraid" from the beginning of the second sentence-- because you show us that he's afraid right afterwards in the rest of the sentence :)

Well done!

Patricia A. Timms said...

I wished I had gotten to yours before bedtime, but I loved it all the same. It was worth the nightmares I might have later!

Great job!

Tara said...

How long, indeed! Awesome tension, great dialogue :)

Lovy Boheme said...

Officially scared and freaked out. lol I love when something creeps me out. Great job.

Charity Bradford said...

Ooo, I like this a lot. Heheh, we like to play "would you rather" as a family, and the other night we ended up on torture topics. This scene reminded me of it. *I'm a little afraid of my family now*

prashant said...

Great dialogue! Love to read more.
data entry work from home

Mary McDonald said...

Okay, so when is this getting published and where can I buy it? I need to know how this comes out. Excellent stuff.