Sunday, January 2, 2011

A Mere Whisper - No Kiss Blogfest

Get ready to SWOON because to today is the Second Annual No Kiss Blogfest over at Frankie Writes.
Last year there were over 60 participants and it was a hoot to read all the entries.
I decided to enter an excerpt of a chapter from my recently completed manuscript, Bayou Blue. In it, Riley and Jake, the sheriff of Bayou La Foudre, are following up on a lead that may exonerate Riley's brother....

Bayou Blue - (excerpt...)

Jake stood silent for a beat, thinking. He stared out over the bow of the boat. Finally, he looked at me out of the corner of his eye. “You think someone else sent it to you.”
I didn’t know what I thought. I shrugged. “I think that if something was going terribly wrong in my life, I’d try to let my family know somehow. I might give someone a letter with instructions to mail it if something happened to me.”
“But it got to you before something happened.”
“I—I don’t have an explanation for that part yet, but I’m sure I’ll find one.”
Jake slowed the boat and we coasted next to the banks. “He could have picked up a phone.”
“No…not really. He wouldn’t trust electronics; phones or mail. At least that’s what I’m thinking.” Jake shot me a quizzical look. I stood in front of him debating. “Randy believed the FBI or someone else might be tapping his phone and reading his email.”
“How do you know this?”
“I have to show you something back in my room. It’ll help explain Randy’s state of mind.”
Jake’s eyes narrowed. “More stolen evidence?”
I tilted my head to the side and smiled. “Borrowed.”
“We have to give the FBI this letter.”
“In a day or two, please, Jake. You know how they are. How they take over and crowd others out.”
We stood looking at each other when the boat jolted against the grassy bank. I went flying forward, but Jake caught me with his arm around my waist. He pulled me to his chest as he steadied himself against the railing.
“Whoa, you almost took a swim there,” he chuckled.
“There’s…I could have been lunch,” I breathed, thankful for his steadying arm. I remembered the alligator from a few minute ago and a shudder ran through me.
“I got you…” His voice trailed off and I looked up.
Jake’s eyes held mine and I became aware of how close he was. My hands flat on his broad chest, the strength of him just under his t-shirt, sent my heart bounding. A ripple ran through me. His arms around me felt strong; they felt right.
“I just…I.” I sounded like an idiot. What was I doing?
“You okay?” He murmured. “You look a little light-headed.”
“No, I mean yes. You’re just kind of…” I struggled to catch my breath. “You haven’t let go…”
Jake’s arms pulled me nearer and he leaned in, his face so close I felt his breath on my cheek. The boat rocked beneath us throwing me further off balance. Jake brushed my temple with his jaw, his words whispered on my skin hot and quiet. “That’s not a bad thing, Riley.”
I turned toward him, my lips barely brushing his, when a high pitched cackle tore through the swamp making me jump. I gasped and heard his low chuckle at my neck.
He stepped back, releasing me, and sighed with a smile. “That was just a bird.”
Jake moving away, I was both relieved and sorry about it. I cleared my throat and tried to pretend I didn’t feel awkward enough to swim home. “So, uh, we’re here?”
I bent over and picked up Randy’s letter and folded it in my hands. I shoved it in my pocket and started to chew on my thumbnail.
Jake leaned on the railing and watched me quietly. Breathless and blushing I felt totally vulnerable under his gaze yet he seemed completely unperturbed.
“Yes,” he said. “We’re here.”

That is all for my "No Kiss Blogfest" entry...take a moment to enjoy the other entries at Frankie Writes.  Until next time...Go Write!
Photograph by Sabrina Campagna.


Roland D. Yeomans said...

That is a great scene of sexual tension, interlaced with necessary plot points. Those darn loud-mouthed birds! LOL. An excellent job, Roland

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

Wonderful tension. Jake's sensuality is subdued and masculine--it feels real. The dialogue is realistic, as well, and the settings are just enough to settle the reader in the scene. I like the freshness and clarity of your writing. Great job.

Jessica Lei said...

Great job, awesome tension, and a little snippet of conflict. I liked your female MC and he seemed quite dreamy ;) Thanks for sharing!

Devin Bond said...

There was some great tension. Your characters came across well and hurray sensual guy!

I wish there was more!

SY said...

OOO very nice... lots of interesting dialogue and the cherry on top... sexual tension.

Amalia T. said...

Nicely done! I love the line "That's not a bad thing, Riley." And how she's so unnerved and drawn in by him. Great tension!

Dawn Embers said...

oooo an almost kiss after a rescue, of sorts. Nice choice. It has a tone that works for the type of story and the no kiss part is well done.

J.C. Martin said...

Hooo boy...I knew you wouldn't disappoint! The tension gripped me the whole way through! Jake sounds scrumptious...

Christina Lee said...

EEk alligators! Nicely done! "That's not a bag thing.." YES!

Summer Ross said...

A bird interruption- Nice touch! I really enjoyed reading this.

Kelly Lyman said...

Wow! Such sexual tension in this. I loved it. I love how Jake just seems so self-assured yet patient. Almost like he knows it's just a matter of time and he's fine with waiting--the tension can just keeping building and building! Great job!

Anonymous said...

Great post! I love how you seem to pull the reader into the moment. I can visualize the situation perfectly! I can't wait to read more from you. :D

Mara Nash said...

Oh, nice. I could feel her flustered and the tension there. Well done!

Olivia J. Herrell said...

I love your characters and the energy snapping between them. I have a feeling they'll be getting together soon!

Great scene, ~that rebel, Olivia

Frankie Diane Mallis said...

Oh I could feel this one and I was swooning! I love when he's like--I got you--so sweet! Thanks so much for participating!!!

Madeleine said...

Ooh I can feel Riley's frustration! I love the boat scene you chose and the cackling bird spoiling the moment. ;O)

gideon 86 said...

loved the setting on the bayou. Great chemistry, I like a easy kind of guy, just raw enough without being intimidating. The nervous girl, wanting him, but afraid.

Great tension and ending.


Loralie Hall said...

I like the tension build-up. And amidst all of that, I want to know more about what's going on behind the scenes. And...yummy almost kiss ^_^

Christine Danek said...

This is fabulous. I really enjoyed reading this. I want more. Stinkin' bird interrupting. :)

Erin Kane Spock said...

Awesome scene choice and I like the look of your blog... I need to come here more often vs reading it in my email.

Dominic de Mattos said...

So well written, great chemistry.

So - a Christian romantic suspense writer? - sounds intriguing. I'm a Christian writing high fantasy and science fiction ... still working on finding my Christian voice through the fiction.

:Dom (My No Kiss)

The Red Angel said...

The intensity of this scene totally brought a jolt down my spine. Almost-kisses after a major rescue are usually the ones that bug me the most. It's like an itch that can't be scratched! :P


L'Aussie said...

Hi Raquel. I didn't enter this 'fest but it looks like a lot of fun. You are a master of tension and have us wanting more!

Happy New Writing Year!

Raquel Byrnes said...

Thank you so much for all of your encouraging comments! This was a fun blogfest to participate in. Thanks to Frankie... =)