Raquel Byrnes

~Edge of Your Seat Stories~

Haunting Blogfest!


IT'S SCARY TIME! ! It's Halloween month! It's an exciting time! Its the Write, Edit, Publish Haunting Blogfest!

Today I'm participating in Denise Covey's scary sharing time. I've decided to post a scene from my speculative fiction WIP, The Tremblers.

If you get a chance...stop by the other participants in the blogfest for a frighteningly good time! :)
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The Tremblers~

My heart stuttered, fear flooding me.
“Tell me what your father knew about the Tremblers.”
“My father? He was…they took him.”
“Colonel Blackburn of The Order knew and had information about what is happening. You are his only child. Now tell me what he discovered.” Riley slammed his hand on the counter. “Tell me what I need to do to stop this.”
“She doesn’t know,” Ashton said evenly.
“What is he talking about?” I looked from Riley to Ashton, confused.
“Oh, you haven’t told her?” Riley clicked his tongue. “You didn’t let her know that you’re in league with those violent killers?”
“Killers?” I searched Ashton’s face, but his impassive faced looked back at me.
“The rioters. They wreak havoc both here and below. You’ve heard of them, correct, Charlie?” Riley raised a brow. “They just caused a coal mine to explode. Hundreds were killed…murdered. He protects them.”
“What?” The image of Ashton standing close to Lizzie snapped to mind. She had the scarf of the rioters. She spewed their hatred. “Ashton?”
“We can’t be sure it was them.” Ashton’s gaze slid from mine and I fought the doubt churning. I shook it from my mind.
“No. He’s trying to find out what is making the monsters too.”
“Monsters?” Riley yelled, making me jump. “They are more than monsters.”
“Riley, we are both—” Ashton began.
“No! You protect Lizzie and her violent tactics. Their actions send the Security Forces searching for them to Outer City’s ports. They bring nothing but brutality to the people up here. To my people. How long before they throw bombs at our towers?” He pointed a finger in Ashton’s face. “You may have pried Lizzie from my jail, but you will not leave here with Blackburn’s daughter. I will have my answers. I will stop what is plaguing my city.”
“My father didn’t tell me anything, I promise you,” I cried. “Please, what is this about?”
“You want to know?” Riley rounded the corner reaching for me.
“Riley, don’t,” Ashton stepped in front of me, blocking him. In an instant, the lawman was there with the wand. The prod connected with Ashton’s chest delivering a jolt.
I screamed as his head whipped back, his body going rigid with the shock. “Stop, just stop!”
“I’ll show you what your new friend Lizzie and her minions are doing.” Riley took me by the elbow, propelling me across the floor.
Over my shoulder, I saw Ashton slump to his knees, his dark gaze finding mine as he looked up. Riley pulled me to a barred door, heaved up the lock, and flung it open. In the soft glow of an ambient lamp, the cage in the corner of the room shook violently. I screamed, stumbling back, but Riley held me in place. Horror engulfed me as I took in the quivering limbs of the half-naked man. He snarled and lunged at the bars with pale, blue tinged skin. The smell of rot and filth blasted from his mangled face as he gnashed his ruined teeth at me.
An anguished wail tore from him as every muscle in his body convulsed sending his jet black eyes rolling into his skull. The floor tilted underneath my feet, the buzz in my ears overwhelming as I felt myself lose grip on consciousness.
“Don’t faint,” Riley yelled shaking me by the arm. “You look at this. Look at him and tell me you still want to protect Lizzie and Ashton’s secrets. Those explosions, the chemicals they use, they’re making monsters of innocent men.”
“I – I don’t…” I couldn’t speak, my mouth working around words that wouldn’t come. “What…what is that?”
“A Trembler. There’s more every day and The Order…Lizzie…they all know why.”
“No, she…” I didn’t know her. I didn’t know anything about her. I only knew what I saw in front of me; a gnashing, writhing creature in pain. I looked back at Ashton, his anguished expressing stripping me to the bone. He knew something. More than what he had told me.
“Do not say another word, Charlie,” Ashton breathed.
“Ash?” The look on his face made my blood run cold. He did not hesitate to forfeit my father. What would stop him from sacrificing me at the altar of his Order as well? “But, my father…”
“I heard when they took him, he gave you something. Information,” Riley snapped. “What did he tell you? What do you know?”
“No, Charlotte.” Ashton held my gaze.
I wondered now, at Lizzies words. She’d asked me if I thought I was able to trust Ashton. As if she knew the cost might be too steep to weather.
“Well, Miss Blackburn?” Riley raised the gun to my head. He pulled back the hammer and the sickening click of the tumbler sent my stomach lurching. “He will never betray The Order. Will you?”
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I hope you liked my creepy scene and I hope you hop on over to WEP for some more scary scenarios!

27 comments:

Wow, that scene was full of tension! Thanks for dropping by for the blog fest and, leaving a comment!Glad you reminded me too! I have a day to get my post up! I'll get right on it...

 

yep, it is very tensed! :)

 

The scene was fast paced.
Thanks for sharing-
Gina

 

The scene was riveting and left us wanting more. Great entry. :-)

 

Oooww, (((shiver))). That was awesome Raquel. You kept the tension tight for the entire extract. I wasn't sure what was going to happen and that's as it should be. It goes without saying that the dialogue was sparkling...well done. Now you've left us all wanting to read the entire story of course.

Thanks for posting for the WEP blogfest. Great to see you again.

(It would really help if you turned off Word Verification, at least for the bloghop. When people have several to read, it slows them down.)

Denise

 

I like this. Lots of tension, lots of layers and lots of unanswered questions. Leaves me wondering, what will happen to poor Charlie? And who was The Trembler? Intriguing ...

 

A fast-paced scene filled with great dialogue and just the right amount of tension...
I'm curious to know: What is The Order? What are The Tremblers? What decision will Charlotte make?
Writer In Transit

 

I echo everyone else on the tension and the layers of unanswered questions. Thanks for sharing this!

 

Freaky! Whew. Glad I'm not living in that world.

 

What a scene. I would not want to encounter a Trembler. They are creepy enough in your writing. lol

 

Great scene, so fast-paced! I wonder what the secret was...

 

Great tension and fast paced. Loved it!

 

Okay, so I felt like telling Lizzie to 'RUN!' :)

 

A scene of heightened emotion - thank you for sharing!

 

Good scene! Left me wanting to know more.
Happy Halloween!
CharmaineClancy.com

 

That scene was intense. Yikes! Great pacing.

Shannon at The Warrior Muse

 

That was intense. Happy Halloween Raquel.

.......dhole

 

Okay, I agree what happens next! Click - damn it!

Wow, great story!

Trick or Treat and Happy Halloween!

 

Thank you so much, everyone for your time and encouragement! This was a fun blogfest! Great entries!

 

I like the term "The Tremblers" :-) I agree, great dialogue. (Something I often have difficulty with.)

 

Frightening scenes, trust and betrayal, being held at gunpoint, what will you choose?

 

Yes, definitely want to know more about the world and the characters. A great scene!
I love the cover for "Secrets at Crescent Point!" So eerie... The woman looks like Nina Dobrev. Isn't she Nina Dobrev? :-)

 

Lots of tension here. Creepy scene that fits the theme challenge perfectly.
Sorry, I'm a little late visiting everyone's post, but I'm getting there.
Best wishes,
Anna
Anna's WEP-Challenge for October: Haunting

 

I finally made it over here going down the list. I probably won't get everyone read until some time next week.

Creepy is right. Are they zombies? What a terrible thing to be accused of knowing something when you don't. Or if she does, isn't aware that it's important. Well written, you had me wondering all the way through.
Nancy

 

Great entry. Have a lovely week.

 

Perfect fit for the theme, creepy and cool.